kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We have started to decorate penises.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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