Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
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Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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