i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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