I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
