i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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