Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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