Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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