Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
