whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
