How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
