I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You were trust falling into bushes
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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