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My balls are so social today.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How naked do you want me to be?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
