Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
