I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
