There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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