Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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