Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
