Can i not drive my cunt home
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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