ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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