If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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