the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
