I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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