im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
smell my finger.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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