absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
