My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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