I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
