a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
