She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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