Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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