Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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