I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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