The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
