I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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