am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
