i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
