Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
