I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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