by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
