yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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