When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
