i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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