I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
