im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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