She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
