I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
