dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
