He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
