Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you would pick up someone in the library
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
