went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
