if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
