Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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