I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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