I just made out with a guy for $7.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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