So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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