3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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