And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
