omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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