I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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